What I have discovered recently is that all the work I did on my past was only reinforcing the negative patterns. Each time I look at them in detail my brain puts a tick in a box almost like how many views a video has had on Youtube. The more views you have the more important it is deemed. This is known as neuroplasticity. Scientists are now looking at this as an approach to many psychological disorders.
You can find a good article from Stanford University here. http://web.stanford.edu/group/hopes/cgi-bin/hopes_test/neuroplasticity/
The biggest changes I have made to my life and negative patterns have come from NLP and other tools that create positive frames that overshadow the old negative ones. These frames are commonly known as templates. We create templates as we grow and experience new things. They are our protectors and guidance systems to keep us away from pain and harm.
The first time we burn ourselves we create new neuropathways to enable us to avoid burning ourselves again. In the same way they try to protect us from emotional pain. This is where things get complicated as we need to carry on in life and create new relationships. So how do we distinguish between useful templates and not so useful templates? Unfortunately most of our templates are created before we have learnt how to own our suffering and stop the creation of negative templates.
I have recently been working with a focus based hypnotherapist. To begin the session we cover the highlights of my week followed by pin pointing my positive feelings throughout the week. We then go through a process of creating a new template based on how I would like life to look like in a future situation. We never reflect on the past or the negative template. We create a positive template and keep adding to it. After 4 sessions I now feel ready to start a lasting relationship. It is also recommended as I need to test my new neural pathways and keep strengthening them in case anything else comes while in a relationship.
So, the next part of my journey is to find someone that matches me on many levels and someone that is willing to work with me in resolving anything that comes up. I'm waiting Universe! 🙂