My fingers feel alive, they are tingling and buzzing with aliveness. My hands woke up, as did my entire body. I have been living in a state of bodiless-ness. Unaware of my body, mostly out of my body. So unaware that one morning after 3 days of deep pain, I experienced the death of myself. This was not a subtle thing, it was a shaking, quaking and rocking of "my world".
Even doing yoga confirmed this, attempting a half head stand and unable to feel the weight of my legs on my elbows. Warrior pose and noticing fingers and hands that appeared to belong to someone else, attached to this body. No-body there to feel.
It has been 5 days in this infinite now since my Tantra workshop. Everything is sensual, including my car steering wheel, yes really! Everything is deeply sensual, my cup of tea, washing my face, a shower, making food, meditating, driving, cleaning, writing this. My whole body is alive with sensations, connections, intimacy with everything and no-thing. This seems to be a deepening of Love. A true awakening into Love, not just a letting go of mind, but a discovery that all can be held in this form. A embodiment of true inner nature. The "outer" merging with the "inner" as one. This appears to be felt within the centre of my body around my belly area. It seems to be emanating from that place and spreading out.
I am falling in love, deeply, immeasurably in love with this. There is an ocean inside of me, the same ocean that everything is arising out of and falling into. It is all the same ocean. Tears well up in my eyes, pure gratitude, devotion to this is felt with my entire being. I am melting in an ocean of love. I am empty, completely empty. There is the faintest sensation of something here, but it is almost undetectable. Like a fine silk blowing in the desert of emptiness.
I am disappearing into the ocean. What is left I have no idea.
I am feeling with my body like I never felt before, like touching everything for the first time. Innocence, trust, sensation renewed, birthing inside. A vastness, a deep rest is here. A heart beating, a silence and emptiness.
These fingers are God's, but there is no concept of God. These fingers are the universe reaching out to explore itself. Like a new born baby pulling at its toes and discovering a sensation of connection. All has become a meditation, a sensual exploration.
Infinite Love Dhyan ❤️
